Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
