Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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