Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
