Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Randomize
