I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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