Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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