So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have post one night stand depression
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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