At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
