I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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