I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm both gender and math confused
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
