mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
