he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
