i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
