I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
