Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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