it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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