Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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