There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
