Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize