We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
