I wish I could teleport
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
