Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
