if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
