I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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