im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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