hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
