I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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