the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
