there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
