and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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