ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
