i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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