So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
