I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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