I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
