aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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