hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
