what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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