i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
