my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
