i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im holly from the hills drunk
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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