I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
