Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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