My liver just broke up with me...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
