beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
