she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize