Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
false alarm. still invincible.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
