hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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