i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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