We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
MIDGETS
????
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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