I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
