Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
