You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
