So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
