you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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