I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
