Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
