She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
