If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
