We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
