my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Shame - the story of my life.
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