is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
no you cant smoke seaweed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize