you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
