i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
