I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
