I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
