I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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